


Those don't belong in cookies!

by genderqueer_turtle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Baking, Gen, Remus is chaotic as usual, Tumblr Prompt, friends who bake together stay together, patton tries to be a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genderqueer_turtle/pseuds/genderqueer_turtle
Summary: Remus and Patton get some bonding time when Patton decides to help Remus bake some cookies.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	Those don't belong in cookies!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nobodystentacle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nobodystentacle/gifts).



“Hey kiddo! What ya doing?” Patton said walking into the kitchen. Remus had a ton of things in his hands, balancing them all. Upon closer inspection, Patton recognized some of them as baking supplies, as well as some items that could only be explained by the fact that Remus was carrying them. 

“I decided to make cookies! Everybody’s favorite!” Remus said, plopping his stack of things down on the counter. The flour fell on it’s side as it was smacked down by a multi-pack of deodorant. 

“I love making cookies? Would you like some help?” Patton asked. After what had happened when Remus introduced himself to Thomas, Patton felt bad for not being as kind as he should be to Remus. He hoped that working together on something they both enjoyed, like making cookies, could help them bond and help Patton understand Remus a little more. Besides, Remus couldn’t mess up and ruin a classic treat such as chocolate chip cookies. 

“Sure! But I’m in charge here, got that Paddy-cakes?” Remus asked. Patton got to work sorting the ingredients, setting all of Remus’ strange supplies to one side, and all the actual baking supplies on the other side of the counter. 

“What are you doing? I need those!” Remus said, grabbing the unusual supplies and mixing them back with the regular ingredients. He turned on the oven and turned to the breakfast bar, looking out on the living room, as if staring at something. 

“Remus, you okay?” Patton asked. Suddenly, Remus took a deep breath in and started talking rather loudly.

“Hello and welcome to Bake and Cakes with your resident stinky man, Remus!” Remus said to the empty room in front of him.

“Hey, Remus, what are you doing?” Patton asked, slightly concerned for his fellow side.

“I’m hosting a baking show, can’t you tell? Now be quiet so that I can talk!” Remus said. “Today, I made specials plans for us to make spider leg pies!” Remus giggled and clapped his hands excitedly.

“Spider legs?” Patton cringed, thinking about the creepy crawlys. 

“Yes, spider legs. But sadly, I found out that my regular grocery store does not carry them and I could not get to the black market before filming, so I opted to use deodorant instead! Today we’re making deodorant cookies!” 

“Then why did you say that you were going to use Spider legs?” Patton asked.

“Because I wanted to. Any other question pop-cicle?” 

“No, you just do your thing. I’ll get started on some chocolate chip cookies. That way we can share them.” Patton began to pull out the ingredients, but Remus threw himself on the counter, blocking Patton.

“Didn’t you hear me? Do you need your ears checked? I said that we’re making deodorant cookies! Chocolate chip cookies are _boring_ , unless the chocolate is actually little ants stuffed inside the cookies, that is!”

“Now why would someone stuff ants in a cookie?” Remus shrugged his shoulders and turned to face the pretend camera. 

“So you start by mixing all the ingredients, like so.” Remus put all the normal ingredients in, as well as two sticks of deodorant. Patton watched from his spot, unsure of what he should be doing.

“Next, you work the dough. Get creative, like me, for this part. I prefer to beat the dough with my favorite mace!” Remus shouted this last part, grabbing his mace from it’s spot on the counter and raising it over his head, aiming for the ceramic bowl holding the dough.

“Remus no!” Patton said, trying his best to stop the Duke. But he was so late, the bowl was shattered, bits of ceramic were in the dough and on the floor. Remus laughed, picking the pieces of the bowl out of the cookie dough and continuing his baking. Patton was too busy cleaning up the rest of the mess to pay close attention to what Remus was doing. 

When he finished, he noticed that Remus had put the cookies in the oven, but that the oven was set to an unbelievably high temperature. 

“Remus what are you doing? You’re gonna burn down the house!” Remus let out a laugh that reminded Patton of an evil villain. Patton was frustrated with the Duke, why couldn’t he be predictable and easy to understand like the other sides? Virgil and Janus, both of whom were also dark sides, had their purposes and protected Thomas, they made sense to Patton. But Remus was the literal embodiment of chaos, and Patton did not know how to handle him. 

“I can read minds you know,” Remus said, surprising Patton and bringing him back to the present.

“You can?” Patton ask.

“No, I just knew that would get your attention. But in truth, I can probably guess what you’re thinking. And don’t worry, I have a purpose, to cause problems!” Remus said, grabbing a stick of deodorant and sitting on the counter, munching on his snack. Patton watched him, hoping to find something about the strange side that he hadn’t seen before. But Remus was just Remus, the same side that he always was.

As Patton thought about Remus and his strange habits, the timer signaling that the cookies were done beeped. Remus jumped off the counter and pulled them out with his bare hands, switching the metal pan from one hand to the other in the hopes of not burning himself.

“While we wait for these to cool down, wanna make some of your chocolate chip cookies?” Remus asked. Patton’s eyes widened in excitement.

“Really?” Patton asked.

“Of course! As long as I can slip in some poison!” Remus said, holding out a small vial of deadly poison. 

“No poison!” Patton knew that Remus _technically_ couldn’t kill any of the sides, since they were all just parts of Thomas’ mind, but the idea still made him feel sick. 

“Fine, no poison!” Remus sighed, placing the bottle back in it’s hiding space, which Patton couldn’t see. 

The two of them made cookies Patton’s way, though Remus seemed to enjoy it far less. Once all the cookies were done, Remus and Patton decided to share them with the other sides.

“Romano, come get a cookie!” Remus said, waving the basket of cookies under Roman’s face.

“What did you do to the cookies Remus? I know you would never leave them alone, much less offer them to me if they were regular.” Roman said.

“Actually, Patton helped me make the cookies. He would never poison them or ruin them, would he?” Remus asked. Roman looked from the cookies to Patton to Remus and then took the one that Remus was holding out. 

Patton noticed immediately that it was one of the deodorant cookies, but Remus quickly came over and placed an uncomfortably warm hand over Patton’s mouth, watching as Roman got a large bite out of the cookie.

“Sweet Lin Manuel Miranda! This cookie is disgusting! How dare you trick me?” Roman asked, spitting the strange dessert out of his mouth. Remus was on the floor, rolling around and laughing like a manic. Patton offered Roman a glass of milk to wash away the foul taste and handed him a chocolate chip cookie, one that Patton had made. 

“Hey Pop-rocks,” Remus called from where he laid on the floor. “Thanks for helping me with the cookies. It was _so_ much fun!” 

Patton smiled one of his signature dad smiles. “No problem kiddo!” Even though he still didn’t understand Remus, he was slightly less scared and creeped out by the dark side. And to him, that made it a win. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Thank you to my friends in the Fanders Friends discord server for letting me bounce a few ideas about this fic on them and for giving me a few ideas! You all are amazing!  
> If you want to send me a writing prompt, please go check out my tumblr blog (@genderfluidturtle) and leave it in my inbox!   
> Much love and gratitude,   
> Turtle :)


End file.
